So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. All lip, no hole. 3. Boo who? In the Golf of Mexico! We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Knock, knock Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. On a golf course, nature is neutered. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. I chipped in from the rough! Whos there? Your email address will not be published. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. We have a threesome, care to join us? Nuts! Intercourse! There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. 21. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. Whos there? Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. They like cricket better. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. You okay with that? No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. . Sawdust City LLC. ~ Victor Hugo. You hit down to make the ball go up. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? The threesome were curious what was going on. The lowest score wins. Please read here for more information. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Andy who? Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. What do you call a lion playing golf? Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Mark Twain, the famous wordsmith who also said golf is a good walk spoiled. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. 1. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. 5. Two, be your own person. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. And now it will be poisoned for you. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. 3 / 10. 2. "The value of routine; trusting your swing." - Lorii Myers. A great shot is when you pull it off. Oh my God, what have I just said?". Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. He said. A dinner without wine. Two rounds a day are plenty. See you in the Email! The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Your fifth putt. My drives aren't always long and straight. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Wash your balls. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Knock, knock Your email address will not be published. What is a golfers favorite bird? Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Because you got me soaking wet. 19th Hole Bonus Quote: While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. Because all the other four letter words were taken. 6. -Lee Trevino Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. How many strokes was that? Golf is the easiest game in the world. Have fun. Golf Quotes About Life 22. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Wodehouse, 31. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Ben Hogan. I . It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. You look like someone who likes to swing. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. "Golf is my profession. Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. We share them in our weekly newsletter. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? Tiagra. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. About 160 yards was his reply. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Required fields are marked *. Their fore-fathers! Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Drops him off at the golf course! The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Why not! The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". I give him the driver. Required fields are marked *. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Do you know what the Lama says? A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. They expect to succeed! No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. I`m really worried about myself. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. It can be rewarding. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. The smile looks really good on you. I'll let you beat me. Do you share these funny golf jokes? "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. For true success, it matters what our goals are. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. 3. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . 20. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. What does a golfer do on his day off? What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Drop some in the comments! "Golf is like a love affair. I give the ball some sweet talk. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. I'm pretty good with my short putts. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? How do you know you should be a golfer? Lee Trevino, 59. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Are you a water hazard? These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Big pupils lead to big scores. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Golf is like doing your taxes. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Please add a link to this article. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? Dont even putt. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Kurt Philip Behm, Golf is an ideal diversion but a ruinous disease. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. I had a hole in nothing. Im going to wash my balls, you want yours washed, too?, My arms are tired, I had so many strokes.. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. It will test your patience. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. PG Wodehouse. Fore-get Me Nots. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. 3. One minute youre bleeding. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Knock, knock Just in case they get a slice! Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? It can be difficult. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? 1. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. Im the best. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Tahiti who? They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. I'm Tiger Woods. The guys who come There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why dont skeletons play golf? Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. the flag cant jump. Noah. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

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