They say I have chose him over them so theyre pretty much through with me what I need help dont know which way to turn. Worse even if you can believe it. She managed to beat breast cancer but mysterious complications ultimately took her life. Two months have passed. However, I end up waking up, and like a mouse in a wheel, run the same cycle daily. I keep thinking if I pray hard enough, wish hard enough and love hard enough, he will come back to me. The second Christmas. God has healed me quite a bitI have never felt closer to my King, but there are times when I just miss her so much that the fog comes over me again. He was my closest friend and confidant. I beg for at least a sign, that he hears me, and nothing yet A year had passed. It took at least a year to realize that the evidence I would get was the fact I held on to him. WE PROVIDE HIGH-QUALITY VISITORS WITH: All the talk about heroin overdoses and pet smart commercials is too much. I lost my beautiful wife to colorectal cancer on Valentines Day 2020. It was a rough year. After being married 53 years I just have no idea what to do without him. Many people have said to me (and they still do), you have your kids and she is in them 1. I live each day knowing its going to be according to the lords plan. But you have to move on for you, for your loss, to continue through life. My husband of 37 yrs passed away July 25 2018. Im going into my 2nd year of the loss of my son August 5, w2017.. he was murdered at the age of 23. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. I think I am depressed but dont want drugs. People say you need to find love again. I just cant see me with anyone else. Our son, Kevin, died on January 28, 2017. Then my son came to mind, he was having fun with his dad before he left for a walked, now hell wake up without him. Im not that lucky have no living relatives .just my my cats..some months the other person i talk with is my doctors..and go weeks setting in the house watching tv or looking out the window. Also took her mind of it to for a bit. Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. Maybe because I was his caretaker, maybe because I was more close to him than my mother (a little). Yes I pray I give it to my Lord because he is in charge of all of my life and I do trust in him I always have and I always will. seems to be hitting me harder this year. I am currently in my second week of the 13 week course and am finding it to be very beneficial. 26 Likes, TikTok video from Chantra Keobunta (@chantrakkeobunta): "It's been a little over 2 months since my Mom passed away. Each day.. He was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me life was finally good. My personality has changed, I feel clold hearted alot,when Im warm by nature. What does life look like know for me is always on my mind. I also have had the occasional feather float down into my hand but the big one for me is butterflies. Made some new friends as well, attend a different church. Thank you Jesus for steadying my arms. He was diagnosed with an advanced cancer and died less than a month after. heart. I have a lot of support but. I have noticed such an immense change in my body (so thin) and just overall mental behaviour (loner, no energy for anything or anyone). Anyway it felt good to post this here. I know how you feel because I to,lost my husband two and a half months ago,and wish someone would share something to keep me going without him. There is an acceptance of his loss that has begun to take root. I just cant believe hes gone. I lost my sister 19 months ago and I find myself thinking okquick remember as much as you can so you dont forgetits the acorns. It has been 18 years since I lost my husband, and I will tell you, it does get easier. But I meet someone in March 2017 three months after my husband passed away. Life is filled with pain and I cant find the balance without my husband. Though I never lied to them about all of this, theyve never seen me down. I lost my wife a year ago. It left me very melancholy. I am grateful to read all of these posts because I dont think Im over my grief, yet I have always heard that at one-year I would feel better and grieving will be over. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. I dreaded what I knew my heart would feel.. that horrible ache for him, missing him, his voice, his laugh, his incredible hugs. You do. I am taking that as progress through the storm. I new I had to cope for them and my own sanerty. So hard having had to move. I hope you find what works for you, what helps get you through, what makes it bearable to be alive. I lost my soulmate 23 months ago and am surprised at the intensity of my sorrow. I feel life will never be the same at times it feels like Im just lost. But my kids have pretty much disowned me wrote me off at showed no respect for me at all and I believe that our relationship together thats my kids is damage forever until I die. At the time before my husband died my wee doggie was expecting puppies. For the first month I couldnt have a conversation or finish a sentence. I suppose I will keep going on but no one will ever have my heart ever again like my wife did. Like he meant nothing. Peace be with you!! I lightly recommend this only as I am just starting to read it myself. Look for feathers its a sign there near you. We are all different and you will find your path somehow through this grief. I sobbed daily for two months. I have less control in things than I thought I did. This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. My Father refused to talk about my Mum, I got out at age 17 & came to live in the UK. I woke up every morning, fed my children, got them to school, then returned home and curled up in bed. They are always with me. And tonight I'll fall asleep with you in my heart. Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. i even patted myself on the back when i got thru that first year. I lost my bf jan-21-14. Year number 1 I was numb. That was September 2013. My prayers are with all of us that are going through this horrible grieving with broken hearts. Hi I lost my husband 15 months ago and Im so lost and empty inside I keep thinking maybe hes not really dead and is just taking time out on his way home from work he had a cardiac arrest we have 5 kids 3 older and two under 12 we were together for 25 years he was also my best friend we went through so much together I have a mental illness and from the good and bad times he was the I had a court case 11 months after he died he never got to see the outcome and after been together for so long 3 years ago with him by my side I decided to do it I wish he could have been there free dealing with things and been my my side I feel so guilty that at the time he needed me most I wasnt there for him also he was never sick I miss him so so much my heart and my body physically hurt . Nothing feels right anymore. Dear Everyone who is suffering and grieving a lossI hear and feel your pain and suffering. Yesterday i felt like a knife plunged into my heart 2 years ago and hasnt come out yet. I know Ill survive, but my life never is going to be the same. Sometimes I find myself asking Did this really Happen? Tho we were not blessed with children, i have a loving family, church, and friends. I lost my husband and best friend Aug. 30th 2017. In February he will have been gone for two years, and while I have accepted the fact that he is gone, I feel so hollowed out. She could not even have a bowel movement without assistance. I have many photos of us of times gone by, and it,s good to see him in happier times, but now I long so much to hear his voice, It hurts to want to hear him again. Ive had cancer & this is far more painful on a daily basis. Told me of the hallucinations and her mind was telling her I was cheating, so far from the truth. This is good to know. I lost 2 strong important women in my family at the end of 2018. Everytime I hear the songs we use to play its like a piece of me dies inside. She passed after 8 months. I have found that others are more concerned about the death anniversary and the month surrounding it than I am. I dont want him to think our lives are all moving on and I dont miss him. I have no children, and I cant imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. It would be rather strange if you did and I think that is so true. I thought getting through the first year would be the hardest but as it turns out year two is just as bad. Stay strong during this difficult time, and know we are always here for you. I felt I should have paid more attention and have found the money to pay for the tests that would have shown he needed medical treatment. That said; allow others in. Its been A year and I cry every day and cant enjoy anything. She was my heart, my everything. Any suggestions. He had a massive heart attack but the insurance said he was not sick enough to have the tests to get treatment. Itll be 2 years in August since my husband passed away and my life has changed forever.I long to join him but know I have to keep going one step at a time one breath at a time. He had 8 siblings, which were a tremendous help while he was sick. Every day is a challenge just to get through it. 5) Death thinks it can take you away from me. I want to thank everyone that has posted above, it makes you realize that it isnt just you and the people that says you have to move on, find a purpose just flat out dont understand. I have been plotting along now for 2 years 4 months. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix. She and I would go Black Friday shopping. Though having a busy job in our National health service, the NHS (in psychiatry) his own family of 4 children, he came on visits to Ireland, wrote letters etc ( we had no phone line & mobiles not invented). since than i have been alone and find that i need to find out who i am without her. This second year is as hard as the first. Home with you or where ever u. Let the grief happen but look after yourself too. Its miraculous Im still up on that tight rope. I do not socialize, even at church. Ericka, I relate. If I could take your hurt away I would. I cant even remember the first few months. He was another father/brother figure for me and we were inseparable. Unfortunately, Im taking anti-anxiety meds on occasion to quell the freak-outs (which I dont like doing and had NEVER done before), but I seem to need them right now. I feel so selfish posting after reading these. We are not supposed to understand. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. I took them for 2-3 weeks then went on a Mindfullness course and was able to stop the tabs easily. Recently my guilt has shifted. I dream of him every night and wake up and think he is with me. It has been 2 years since you passed away. Always believe she would come back..I dont tell anyone how much I miss her as nobody lisen to me, just say move ondont know what to do and how to live. Can I move on and remain? Every part of me wanted to share that news with him. it helped and still does. I am an unmarried single man of 46 years Mum lived with me. tiny ways is has, just very hard to move And amid the lessening, there are still periods where you feel as though its the 2nd month all over again. so tight that only death could break it.And it did. What if lose him too? It was a 16 months battle that we knew she was going to lose. The course is Christian based but applicable regardless of your belief and faith. It was the Uncle who lived in the UK that was my one of my last links with my Mum & their early life, this is what is hitting me. I am into year #2 . I cant turn back and I cant just drop the boulder. Well a couple months after he was killed. I miss you so much. Ill never forget how were so proud of me being the first one in our family to graduate in a tough University as a Magna Cum Laude and as I made it thru my young years into adulthood it became apparent that sisters/siblings represent the past present and future. I am living in France and English is my second langue. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. How so fortunate they are not to go on. His father had heart disease and We knew he had probably inherited his fathers genes for heart disease who passed at forty six and his father before him passed at forty two. I am so lonely, but not for another, but As I saw him as a father, I now, looking back, think I was rather selfish and am full of remorse. The one thing I found was when my mum passed I felt lonely even though there were people around me. I had to sell my house I could not afford it so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita. I was numb the first year, but now Its really hard. January 24, 2020, I came home from work and my husband (one of the best guys to ever walk the face of the earth) had passed away and we had been married for 47 years. Thank you to everyone who has posted. I still have to live. Its just about me now. Four months he fought from diagnosis to him passing. Im in the 3rd yrs of losing my brother and its been so hard then four weeks ago my other brother died! I was totally blank, dont know what to think nor what I feel, totally felt nothing. Strange to think I am now living longer them. I work , but hate my job.I try to find a sense of normality. I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. Kids will find their lifes and live it. Ive felt so guilty since he passed about everything I could have said and everything I shouldnt have said, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. My husband of 54 yrs. I also have been through hell.Losing brother niece nephew going through breast cancer and my husband of lung cancer.This is now the third year and reality is now is hitting me,but I have to care for my mother ,and to ensure that my children and grandchildren who loved their grandfather so much to give them some stability. My sister died 3 years ago at age 47. The meltdown has not yet come. I realize that he still loves me and is looking out for me. I dont know whats gonna happen. I lost my mother Nov. 2013, my father march 2015, my stepmother feb 2016, my mother in law march 2016, my son may 2016 and his father july 2016 This is one year I will never get over. James, thats so weird what you said about feathersMy husband, a brilliant artist, died very suddenly last February a ruptured aorta just like his Dad and immediately in the garden wherever I was, were tiny, white feathers right near me. I wish everyday i was dead .I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died.he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. Thanks for sharing. It can be from 150 to 180 percent of the parent's full . It makes absolutely no sense now. Our marriage wasnt perfect but we worked through all our problems and we loved each other more now then when we first said I do. When I met her she had 5 Children then we had a Son together, and 3 are still home with me and it just seems that sometimes it wont get better. Routine has changed so much and thats hard for me because I felt lonley. I can not and will not just put my son aside like he wasnt an amazing person. She did great for months until something unexpected killed her: Liver failure due to tumors. Reading these posts have made me realize I am not alone, but do not help ease the unending pain I feel. You can keep and display it, give it to family members or friends, or donate it in memory of your beloved. i have so little motivation to work. you are so right. He didnt need to say a word his eyes and actions were everything. She was only 14 when her Dad died. I have one regret that has sickened me this whole year, I wish with everything inside of me that I would have not let them give him the methadone and morphine but the choice was comfortable or in pain I chose comfortable not realizing that meant when they got the pain under control I nor my kids and grand-kids would never hear his voice again. So, I have been praying that God tell Mike that I am sorry and that I love him and miss him soooo much! Time Flies Quotes. They may not even be pearls, but something beautiful and shining, lovely days to counteract the darkness. The first year was mostly like a in shock, autopilot, anxiety driven adrenaline survival mode. Why is God so cruel? I have found that not everyone can understand and thats ok. Shopping and movies are the only things that can take me away from an episode of grief. What if he knew he was sick and just didnt want me to know? Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. Thanks for sharing your story and God bless and comfort you too. A bomb went off in our home and hearts. This effect makes it look like your fingernails, toenails and hair grew longer since you passed away. He was my soul mate, we did evrything together except our jobs. I lost my firstborn precious child, my 10 year old son a few days away from 14 months ago. Hi Holly, Its been five and a half months for me since my husband died. Went to grief group, it helped a little, but like you at the end of the day your still alone. For example, the function returns "4 months" between the dates 9/30/15 and 2/28/16 (even though the 28th is the last day of the month). You really put into words my exact feelings. I miss him so very much. Losing my mother was horrendous . We have two adult children and want To say I miss him, cant never give me the Stay open to the idea of hope and optimism but dont set a timeline for its arrival. I lost my wife September 8th 2017 our anniversary was to be 23 September. I despise being a single parent. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. You just described ME. I have her ashes in the kitchen, where she loved to be. He was just a well God given person put together. I feel guilty that it doesnt; as if I am hanging on to the grief. I am glad I found this site Than you for reading this and I do understand your pain. Sometime I just have the urge to pack up from my city and move but o know it want take the pain and emptiness I feel. God bless you all. I made the decision to bottle all my emotions inside of me and sooner or later they had to come out which they did about a month ago. Speaking t I someone, helps because death can be trmatic, Its 3.43am another sleepless night and reading through everyones stories trying to grasp some sense of belonging knowing others understand my pain. And every day I think about her. Im still trying to somehow soothe their pain, their need and its getting harder by the day. I miss him so much. People say to me its early days but you should start going out and meeting folk, however, I dont want to. xx. I also know that I dont really have a choice. I too no longer have a purpose, no longer care about life or myself. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). i am approaching the second year since my wife died unexpected she went to visit our son and died of a brain aneurysm non his front lawn- Married 36 years- every day is a struggle and as busy as i try to be having two children in their thirties i still feel so lonely when i am alone at bedtime, it is inconceivable that i can be happy again. The grief process has been awful but I am working with it. I try so hard to be strong for my children and grandchildren the pain is unbearable. She was my best friend, soul mate my everything. I wish I could believe it is going to be ok but I dont feel that way. We had 19 beautiful years together and 3 children the youngest being 10. Eric, Im now at 27 months and he is still incredibly fresh in my thoughts everyday. 22 years together. I try to be strong for everyone but cry myself to sleep most nights not sure what Im supposed to do next. I do not know what long enough means. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. It is sad to say 45, but I have no greater desire to be laying in the plot next to her so that I can be close to her for eternity. Just do what u are comfortable with and dont use this time to begin new friendships/ activities unless you want to. We lost our 16yo child to suicide four months ago. For now, thats all were able to do. Not a future without him, because we never lose them, but a future with him in your heart and so much new exciting stuff and people, in your life. I just found a counselor that I will see the end of July. At least we always made sure to tell each or other I love you before we parted on the phone or in person.And although there was a bit of a gap between us they were there for every stage of my life as a baby they helped my mom with me not because they had to no they wanted to,as a child they were my heros then as time went on the feeling was mutual and a bond grew There is hope; the sun does shine again. I have been off work for a month and finding hard to cope the thing that keeps me here is my grandkids.So for me the second year is worse maybe cause l was numb because l lost so much in one month all l do at the moment is live each day hoping tomorrow will be better. I got a small wave around what would have been our wedding anniversary, but they keep coming as Thanksgiving gets nearer, and theyre a little more frequent, and severe. I lived on chicken nuggets and pop tarts for the first year. Just keep living until you feel alive again, My life died October 26 2016 I pray, I go to church and lay in my husbands arms but still no relief. Good luck to all of you. You must first, get rest. Thank you for sharing your stories it makes me feel kind of normal. Yes, the lack of interest in things, the TV watching, but you do say you have faith it will get easier. I have found the experience to be brutal, stripping, sapping, and completely devastating. For a long time, fear of dropping the ball was governing my life. He left a big crater for everyone who knew him. Very impressive. l lost my life wife of 52 years 11 months ago after a long battle from heart disease for fifteen years she fought to stay by my side but the battle was to hard ,l feel so lost with out her some days are worst than others ,lonely nights . She lost her battle in May 2016. I lost my husband 15 months ago. My heart goes out to you all. Its so much to deal with even with a grievance counselor. Only once in a while I say anything about it anymore. Even though my brother was in the military for twenty four years and had been gone most of the time from the family. I was married 63 years and took care of my husband for his last 2 years. She was just 51 years old and bravely battled cancer for six years. Theyre trying to get there as fast as they can. I became numb, I spent the next 2 years struggling with the loss. Im in 18 months of losing my mother/best friend to sudden loss. and im back there again crying wishing id made more of that last year. These days are what made the memories so hard to deal with. I wanted so much to go back to that day and be with her the whole time. I lost my husband of 42 year suddenly 15 months ago. I believe that it will always be a part of my life. Year two was when reality somehow knocked on the door; it was terrible. You can use the IRS' Where's My Refund? And I still miss you, I can't image life without you. I thought or believed that the following year it would have been easier, but I was wrong.

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