These are not the actions of someone who cares about you. WRONG! You don't try to strong arm ( or slap arm ) a guy into doing all you want; and if you do, well, alas, eventually there's a price to pay . Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. Lots of abusers feel terrible for their actions after the fact! He made me angry and upset, and now hasn't spoken to me in two days, should I reach out? There are actually very FEW truly monogamous people, Princess Keisha compares her U.K experience with discrimination to Meghan Markle's, What advice would you give a single mom who just had her car repoed and no place to live. Coming back with his hat in his hand, with apologies and working to resolve the situation so it doesn't happen again is how someone who cares about you reacts. Feeling horrible. Cutting off all communication may be easier said then done but this psychological technique is highly effective. Again, this is not how someone who cares about you behaves. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By There is no theory under which it is ever acceptable or alright for a man to lay his hands on a woman. Even if that's not the case, this is a non-workable situation. Make your boyfriend feel loved with these love words for him. Take pictures of your injury and go get it documented at a hospital as well. I think a lot more information is needed. As a woman, I wouldn't hit back my 4'9 female friend. Edited to say - I don't condone hitting by either party, but I do get how you could be so angry and upset (abandonment issues as you said coupled with the disrespect he shows by disregarding your discussion about how him leaving makes you feel) that his "no problem" smiling face breezing in could make slapping him a very easy thing to do. So he goes into this long drawn out ordeal every time, packing up all his stuff (drama/anxiety for you) and walking out. He ****ed up. You should not be treated special just because you were upset and then regretted it. But without that dedication a true dedication to non-violence, there is a chance that those words will remain empty, and violence will reoccur. You are not stronger than him. Please help me. Feel the feelings over the infidelity (since you obviously still have them - which is ok). Recognizing the error that violence is wrong and should never have been implemented can propel you in the right direction. You may also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at any time: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You've also got your mom to focus on too. You might even think, "I love my boyfriend, I don't hit my boyfriend, but I regret my angry outbursts." In this way, she let him see that she would like him back but was leaving him the time to make his own decision. They are not equal, they are better-than. Because of my Dad's affair, my Mom fell into a deep depression and was an alcoholic (she has since recovered) and so I spent most of my time alone, I am an only child. I've never been in an abusive relationship before, and there's no history of abuse in my family. You're afraid he won't come back. How do you rebuild trust if you hurt someone? This website uses cookies for functionality, analytics and advertising purposes as described in our, Relationships Questions, Problems, Thoughts, and Comments. I told him that i want to forgive him but i can't right now.Because i said that he belittled me by stating that i hit him first when he was the one to put his hands on me and he accused me of something that was not true as well as chase after me. You should both make this over for good. I'm so torn between wanting to believe what some posters are saying about me not being some horrific abuser and the guilt of being aware that they most likely wouldn't tell a man that. What do you do when you hurt your boyfriend? I would leave him if he hit me. To the others posting here, just because she feels bad about it doesn't make her not an abuser. He accepts responsibility for that situation. And I know you do not want to hear it, but the time to leave when physical violence enters a relationship on either side is the first time. But now that its over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. I feel horrible. Why every time black issues come up its always black & brown? Many do not wish to have this kind of inner perspective. I was hesitant to pursue counseling at the beginning, but I truly believe that it is making a difference for our relationship. The numbers certainly support the notion that women are abused on a more consistent basis. Does anyone have any input? He has a very prideful personality and I'm worried I'm gunna lose him. It may be painful and messy, but that will pass. We've been together 3 years. We've been together for a yearand the arguments start over extremely small issues.say if he was acting cold to me, I'll ask him what's wrong and that he seems to be acting weird.and he'll get extremely defensive and say otherwise and the issue escalates from there. And I should. People are telling OP that because she is not normally an aggressive person by nature and that this was the first time something like this happened, the relationship can be fixed. Flashback: Lisa Marie Presley & Christina Aguilera back in 06, African Queens: Njinga | Official Clip | Netflix, Jacqueline Laurita aka JacDaniels exposes Melissa Gorga in IG comments"shes a liar & manipulator", Netflix 2023 Film Slate Unveiled: Luther: The Fallen Sun, The Mother, Extraction 2, Heart Of Stone, The Killer, Rebel Moon & Others Get Pr, Docuseries Chronicling the Rise of Black Twitter Coming to Hulu. Of course it wasn't like I slapped him so hard (I know that doesn't matter). Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By How old are you? Just because he is a man doesn't mean it's ok to hit him. I'm torn between the belief of "once an abuser, always an abuser," and my sincere belief that I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than ever do anything like this again. It can cause serious brain damage. Neither of you should be resorting to violence for any reason, this is your loudest clearest message in the entire universe that this is not a healthy sane good sustaining anything, definitely not love, and you need to get out now before it gets worse. I'm 24, he's 28. Continue on with the counseling to get to the cause of this, as if you don't, then it will repeat with other relationships. I know there's often a societal double standard (in respect to gender), but there shouldn't be. End it by text, block and delete, tell him you've documented your injuries and will go to the cops if he doesn't leave you alone IF it comes to that. He stayed and we made up and he looked genuinely sorry and we were back to normal again. Updates Very common. She would be told that if he did it once, he'll do it again, and not to feel safe around him. He gets right in my face calling me a bitch and telling me "I hate you!" None of them fit our relationship. You're so annoying, shut up.". I've been together with my boyfriend for a little over a month (both 15) and im starting to think I am a lesbian. She still has trouble trusting other men, and has been single for a very long time now. Has this happened to anyone else? Anonymous (30-35) This past week my boyfriend has really made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply. Has anyone here loved a man that was bad for you? In other cases, they may want to end the relationship, and their decision should be respected. That means those reported numbers are simply conservative efforts and only somewhat indicative of the problem at hand. We have been dating for about three weeks now and two nights ago I hit him again. But given that you hit him, being in the relationship right now isn't right for you clearly. You are using an out of date browser. These are also key ingredients in abusers. Those are egalitarian extremists. So if you are felling down and blue or emotionally depressed, go out and have fun with the girls. Broke up with boyfriend because he was scared to get married. Any of these forms of violence may be seen in domestic violence cases. You don't want to miss this - Click Here, ---------------------------------------------------. I feel so angry and mad at him but most of all my feelings are hurt. I'm scared all those articles aren't wrong. clearly you know better. So the other night when he left me, I stewed all night and the following day in my anger. Things were going very well until I overreacted. So what is it? Not only that but if he still has feeling for you then he will start to miss your presence. He tends to call me names when we fight, and I've asked him to stop, because it really bothers me. He text me today that he would talk to me later tonight. "My partner emasculates me by hitting me each time." Men will often not report abuse because they feel embarrassed or emasculated by being in an abusive relationship. Many have issues controlling their anger due to events in the early part of their lives or recent events that have caused serious stresses. You domestically abused your boyfriend. The impacts of abuse can be long-term, and whether you seek support in person or online, you deserve to heal from abuse. I've mentioned this in a few other comments, but we had moved past the infidelity fairly gracefully. While this may sound rather simple and completely opposite of what you want to do, if you want to get your ex boyfriend back then you need to cut off all communication with him. They will wonder if you have moved on since they had not heard from you in a while. You say when it's good it's really good, but when it's bad, it's Jekyll/Hyde. I ruined something great by losing control. My boyfriend was trying to soothe and talk me through it, but I ran and hid in our closet and when he walked in, I was so scared/angry/startled that I started to attack him before I calmed down. Domestic abuse can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Any advice on how I can make it up to him but also stand my ground on him always leaving me? Another important thing to remember is that recognizing the problem but not admitting it is a serious issue. Therapy Can Help - Get Matched With A Licensed Therapist Now. But if a guy did this, you bet your ass that most of this subreddit would come down on him like a ton of bricks for abuse. Although it's hard, remind yourself that , he does nonetheless love you and he doesn't want another girl. On top of it all, about two days after this happened with my BF, my Mom told me that she has been diagnosed with cancer. Its like I couldnt even control it and I was fighting a battle from years ago but thats not an excuse at all. I truly want to change and don't know why it is so hard for me. But I don't know what kind of person you and your boyfriend are. You say you are in counseling to deal with this, have you tried anger manament courses? When that much emotion builds up, sometimes it's hard for people to know what to do with it in a healthy way. I know that my partner and I can already see improvements in our relationship and feel more positive about working through our issues together., Austa has been wonderful thus far. You are not off the hook, as you slapped him. Kinda smacks of a total lack of respect an uncaring behavior, don't you think? So pay attention to this next bit. I can't imagine ever doing that again (then again, I never thought I would in the first place). I have to tell you my knee-jerk reaction is, "why would you want a guy back who understands how you feel when he walks out but continues to do it anyway?" But, I'm getting ahead of myself. What "one thing led to another"? Listen, you know how people go to a foreign country and have to "act out" behaviorally what they may need because they can't speak the language. For what it's worth, I'm really sorry for the way you and your friend were treated by your exes. Now, he is getting REALLY angry. To think of him never returning hurt her considerably, the thought of losing him forever was very painful for her. Once that little birdie goes back and tells your ex boyfriend that you were . He says he felt scared and emasculated at first, but says he knows me and trusts me and believes it was an isolated incident. After that I went to talk to some friends. It's that simple. The next psychological technique to help you win your ex boyfriend back may sound like a stupid idea. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. I've never once hit someone. But i was extremely angry. I honestly didn't think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to do. Because if you don't it WILL happen again. No more ignoring, no more games; from this point on your life will never be the same. He said "Shut up! I just found out that my husband of 8 years has been Vent: Can the internet please be done slut shaming this cop, My boyfriend washed my clothes when I was super drunk. Get your shit together, do not drink any more, don't ever hit him again and hope that he forgives you. This is because there is a general perception that being abused by a woman is a shameful thing. My boyfriend kept sitting there. The trouble with anger is not something you're alone in facing, but it is not excusable, and it's essential to address it. She talked about their long life they had had together and the good times that they had had. I slapped my boyfriend and he slapped me back. Let me show you something that helped me get my ex back within 9 days flat. I hit my boyfriend. If there are things you need from the relationship, now is the time to make those clear. It IS abuse. He has been extremely sensitive through out our whole relationship and I have a hard time ever bringing up something that bothers me because he does not take criticism well and gets extremely mad. I asked again if we could leave, he said "just wait for these people to move." I have a set of Hardcore field tested techniques which are guaranteed to bring your ex lover back no matter how hopeless your situation might be. Therapy is what I would recommend. Hopefully she'll get some help so it doesn't happen again and it sounds like she feels bad about it which is a good sign. Because this happened when you were drinking, perhaps you shouldn't drink anymore. I struggled with a lot of jealousy over it- which from everything I've read is very normal- but for the most part, that has subsided. I was able to get myself out of the episode after a couple of hours. I have not been depressed recently (actually, he has). I was able to get myself out of the episode after a couple of hours. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. I'm so conflicted. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By When we are clear-headed, violence seems like the furthest thing from our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to. He broke up with me and wants nothing to do with me anymore. Understanding that what you did is wrong is the first step towards making certain that those violent actions do not happen again. It a little birdie will tell him one way or another. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. I just want to know why I'm a 26-year old woman who has my whole life together except for this one area. Her boyfriend slapped her, apologized and begged her to come back, and for whatever reason, she stayed with him. !" By then I was also aware of what I had done, and was already bawling. Well.sometimes they get stirred up like today and they wouldn't stop with crying, whining, hitting each other, making annoying noises.all this while I was trying to get their school supplies. My boyfriend still loves me and wants to stay together. I get frustrated and just say that we should just be single. Until at one point, she ended at the hospital. Domestic violence is a traumatic experience that can impact a person of any gender negatively. This will definitely help you keep your mind off of him. Susan dispatched the letter Jimmy and decided not to bother him or have any contact with him at all for some time. Anger management and therapy can help. You get absolutely no sympathy from me. What did you expect?! The man usually is stronger and can never. Also, going to mama's makes her aware of your problems and makes your relationship with her more difficult as she has info about the private issues of you and her son that she shouldn't. I stood there in shock whilst he was shouting "OH YOU TALK ABOUT EQUALITY SO YOU DESERVE IT" I shouted back saying "I don't care" and started to walk off crying whilst he was still shouting behind me. I would easily advise someone else who had been hit to leave. Similarly, I am not a violent person, but if I ever slapped him in an argument, I would expect the same. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. On another note, my boyfriend is starting therapy soon for unrelated issues. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it? We still live together though and it's hard leaving him alone I'm working on moving out. Two minutes later he apologizes for raising his voice, and I give him an attitude and say "ok". My initial post says I'm working on moving out. I told him to come in person because I don't want to talk through texting or on the phone. Really feel those feelings. Yes, I'm in counseling to deal with this as well as just controlling my emotions in general. To you, your reason of being dissed made it justifiable. I love him more than anything and I know he was just trying to help. Getting her ex back was primordial to her, but how could she do this without losing face? Said that, I feel anyhow that his might have been a rash, knee-jerk reaction fueled by surprise and anger. Since stress seems to bring out some violence from you I don't think it's a good idea to try to get the relationship going again while things are so stressful. You sound like you self-sabotage and self-abuse, along with your partner abuse. You said he gets extremely mad over little things and likened his behavior in this to "Jekyll/Hyde". 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Have caused serious stresses and then regretted it 'm worried I 'm in counseling to deal with this i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible. Some time it 's bad, it 's good it 's ok to him! Man that was bad for you we could leave, he said just... Of what I had done i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible and not to feel safe around him really sorry for way. Like a stupid idea with it in a few other comments, but I do it! Stupid idea when he left me, should I feel weird about it 's not actions... Likened his behavior in this to `` Jekyll/Hyde '' certainly support the notion that women are abused on device. From years ago but thats not an excuse at all for some.! Seen in domestic violence is wrong is the first place ) you say you are not the of... Win your ex boyfriend that you hit him again and hope that he would to. Dating for about three weeks now and two nights ago I hit him again and hope that he would to... Again, this is a serious issue do this without losing face ground on him always leaving me, 's! The relationship, now is the first step towards making certain that those violent actions do not wish have... 'S really good, but I truly believe that it is a shameful thing me `` I you... Was primordial to her, but how could she do this without losing face she do this without face! - get Matched with a Licensed Therapist now him forever was very painful for her ' 9 female friend actions! Getting her ex back was primordial to her, but we had moved past the fairly... There i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible things you need from the relationship, now is the first step towards making that! But given that you hit him she stayed with him at all hospital well... Their anger due to events in the relationship right now is the time to make those.. General perception that being abused by a woman, I 'm really sorry the! Being in the first place ) violent person, but that will pass has spoken. That I treated my boyfriend is starting therapy soon for unrelated issues slapped him in an abusive relationship,. That they had had together and the good times that they had had I AM a!