Hiding someones inhaler - again, NOT a prank. Dont re-invite them, and I would heavily consider going No Contact or Extremely Low Contact with these assholes. Slashing tires isnt a prank, its criminal mischief. That kind of behavior is toxic and pervasive. YTA for not stepping up and protecting your fianc from this BS from the get. Nta. And if so, would that change if he were to get seriously ill or worse? For more information, please see our In what world is hiding critical medication and slashing tires "pranks"? Its not like they had OPs permission or OPs husband is a toddler that cannot speak up for himself. Theyre all examples of toxic masculinity. My husband has said he doesnt want to know if he has a serious health condition. Even Neanderthals are more caring and civilized than these AHs. OP needs to go no contact with these Neanderthals if she wants to marry this poor guy. That's an asthma attack that could turn into a tragedy. What theyre doing arent pranks your fianc doesnt have to prove ANYTHING to your family. Oh a nut allergy? This is dangerous and just irresponsible. Saran wrap on the toilet bowl, bucket of water over a door, recorded fart sounds played in a ghostly manner. The opposite in fact. God I hate people. NTA for uninviting them to the wedding but you are huge AH for not shutting their antics down sooner and continuing to subject Tim to these bullies. Asthma can kill and as someone with asthma not knowing where my emergency inhaler is can cause anxiety as I may need it to save my life. Child abuse waiting to happen. Tires slashed?? A friend of mine DIED from an asthma attack!!! Or messes with someones health as a prank? I hope that they see the error of their ways and apologized to Tim but until then, I guess you might have to go no contact. Your bf seems very chill and must love you very much to have put up with treatment like that. I'd protect him & any future kids you have with everything you have in you. It was them saying theyd apologize if OP insisted for me. My hubby has asthma and a heart condition and I wouldnt even think to pull this crap. YTA if you keep allowing this behavior against your guy. These pranks are blatant disrespect for OPs fianc and OP herself. What about them proving to you that they are decent people who love and care about you? Tim has your approval. They could be arrested! ESH except your fianc. Although, to be fair OP sucks a little bit for not shutting this shit down sooner and letting it get this far. Who do they think they are? That would instantly be NC for me. "Family" doesn't mean anything. If he wont take care of himself, make sure youre both prepared for the consequences. They all sound like the very worst the patriarchy has to offer and the fact that you are still in regular contact with them and subject the man you love to their dumb bullying is worrisome, to say the least. Why didnt OP put a stop to this years ago and go NC with these idiots? I (19f) lost my dad (was 29 at the time) when I was 8 years old. I remember when someone first suggested I was being emotionally abused, I thought they were being ridiculous. I can't even imagine feeling even slightly like that on a regular basis. I basically told him that if he is considering not coming then dont even bother. His entire family has disowned me and they're all blocked on my phone after sending me awful messages. That's like no different than the people who don't believe in allergies feeding people allergens and almost killing them. Mens mental health is important! People forget that asthma is a deadly lung condition and inhalers are life saving treatments. The most he has is a life insurance policy that has me listed as the sole beneficiary. Your poor fianc has been suffering. What if he had an asthma attack whilst driving back to you. Time to report them to the police for their legitimately criminal behaviour, and they can discover how manly they are in the face of a police investigation. Seriously what would have happened if he needed his inhaler desperately and he couldn't get at it? I'd go no contact over this. They are just immature jerks. Hes likely already seriously considered if youre worth the hassle. He has had some health complications straight after and I feel like they blame me for this as well. edit: words are hard and i could have made my comment way simpler. SSDGM. Could be either! NTA. YTA for letting this happen to your fianc. Her husband is the same.". The first year i was on the rocks with my mom so i invited my dad and his gf, the next year however i was good with everyone and invited my mom and my dad. Hiding his inhaler is just awful, he could have had an asthma attack and ended up in intensive care because of their shitty idea of a prank. They are driving a wedge. slashing tires?? I'm amazed he even agreed to go on a three day trip with people who openly bully and torment him. It's not up to OP to "not let this ruin her relationship with her family.". There's plenty of air, he should just breathe. If it had been malicious intent, there would have been hell to pay. "Let bygones be bygones" is interestingly always suggested by the party who has to admit to their mistakes and have to apologise for hurting others. Also making someone play chess naked is weird. I don't know a single man that does those supposed "challenges". Who thought it was a great idea for an asthmatic person to go on a 3 day trip with 4 individuals who had already slashed his tires to "see what type of man he is"? His lips are turning purple! He has had some health complications straight after and I feel like they blame me for this as well. So, in theory my lung could open up more. If I am being 100% honest with you, if I my in-laws had treated me the way your family have treated your partner, I would not have married him. Even if their intentions weren't malicious, they put your fiance's life in danger with their ignorance and constant boundary crossing. Frankly, who cares if they respect Tim, the question is, does Tim respect them? Someone should teach these men a lesson. They have it, but it burns everyone around them. NTA but you would be if you put your SO in danger again just to play happy families. Who carries his weight in the relationship and household? I f22 grew up in a family where men prank and tease each others. My mom (39f) remarried after 2 (ish) years and my step dad (49m) has been great for the most part. You're right to make a stance. They have already stated they do not respect your life partner. What a nightmare. Hiding his inhaler was incredibly stupid and they are the ones that should be apologizing and begging for forgiveness so that the family relationship will not be ruined. Same with our vehicles. Yeah i would have been off the fence after the tires. Or actually the hill they tried to kill him on. For some reason toxically masculine dudes get soooo hard about people not knowing how to change a flat. There's a reason there's quite a lot of these shops, tires are heavy, can be difficult to adjust correctly and you wouldn't wanna risk your life just cause you aren't 100% sure you did everything perfectly. so september last year, one of my (f18) step-sisters (f16) favourite artists announced a concert for 2023 in a city nearby us. As an asthmatic myself I agree with doing this. Get away from your family, theyre even bigger assholes. . This doesn't mean men aren't ignored & gaslit by doctors because they are. They don't find stuff wrong with you, you still have it, they can just keep you from dying. Pranks are only my cup of tea if they are funny for all those involved, if they are absurd rather than harmful, like filling a car with popcorn, not causing actual problems. Isnt it weird they think the respect they have for him matters? po Men are also entitled to show emotions and have a caring side. Because that lifetime of stress kills us. Heaven forbid you have a son that needs an EpiPen with these monsters around. The soft college boy clearly they feel insecure around him or they wouldnt treat him like that! I'm sorry, but your family are psychopaths and you and Tim need to get far, far away from them and never look back. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around why OP would let them take him camping. Ask them who was going to take responsibility if he died. You will never have a proper stable relationship due to youre family. They divorced five months after getting married when she found him cheating. Specifically in a situation like this where her partner is likely trying to keep the peace with her family so accepting more crap than he would usually. I wouldn't recommend anyone to do that; the stories about "pranks" bad enough to hit the legal system are not funny. I mentioned this in another comment below but I had to get all my tires replaced last October right before I went on vacation and that cost ran over 600. I dont have that much extra cash on hand, and with having to miss work to get it done? NTA. You want your kids to treat people with dignity and respect and you don't think they will learn that at your parents home. The offending pranksters would have gotten a bill from us. NTA, They could and should be arrested for slashing tired and hiding the inhaler. Cut those toxic people out and go be happy with the man who loves you. Or die. NTA. He couldve literally died for a prank. I mean I am in the process of suing a doctor for exactly this. and our Slashing tires and hiding inhalers are not harmless goofs. i cant imagine she stayed silent after the tire slashing incident, but these guys dont seem like the type of men to give up their antics so easily. Wow I wonder how manly they would be if your poor partner suffered a major attack and sadly passed. Like if NTA was like the golden buzzer in Got Talent, OP would still be NTA. To be fair he does sound like a doormat I dont think he will end the relationship bevore the wedding, maybe after a few years of a unhappy mariadge. Go NC with them all immediately if you want this guy to still be in your life, NTA what the hell is wrong with ur family. Learning good boundaries and keeping them is key. They put his life at risk, am I getting this right? Tell your dad that he shouldn't hide behind your mom if he is such a man. Something like if I brake this plate then dad will beat me and not mom Understanding these types of issues helped me see the patterns in my family an step pit of these roles. Handed his corpse over to you like sorry, he wasnt man enough to survive? Definitely NTA. Die on this hill. Stand your ground; theyre wrong, and ridiculously immature. Bro thats kinda gay./s. In these sort of situations whatever he does will never be enough to measure up to people like that, and the narrow view of what "makes a man" is dumb and categorically untrue in this day and age anyway. I think this is more of a fuck with me and find out situation. NTA - no matter what kind of person you are, no one should ever belittle you to "test" how you are. Cancer!" "And he knew you had cancer." "If that was me, the second I left my brother's house, he would've been dead to me. Don't just uninvite these people from your wedding; uninvite them from your and your fianc's lives. The slashed tires should have been the end of it. Sounds like Tim is the only real man among them. My in laws are great, but that's not something I'd sign up for unless I felt like my wife really wanted me to go for some reason. This is a hill you need to die on and if you don't then you deserve to be alone. anything that involves irreparable destruction of property cannot be called a prank. I wouldn't want them anywhere near me or my SO. Honestly I would elope and not tell them and start getting closer with his family and make distance with your family. Yeah NTA sorry doesn't cut it, what if he had an asthma attack? If they see that as a joke then their heads arent screwed on correctly. thank you for ur reply! It took loads of therapy to decondition myself from my mon's gaslighting and manipulative ways, and it wasn't half as bad as all the toxicity going on in OP's family. Yta for letting them do this to him for so long, but absolutely not NTA for uninviting them. Family up and ruined the relationship with her and her apparently saintly fiance who still wants to marry her after all of this and hasn't had these people arrested. NTA. not let this ruin my relationship with my family. It sounds like OP *has* been trying to stop it this whole time but they refused take her seriously (see end of first paragraph). Did they pay for the tyres? They werent pranking Tim, they were bullying him. What if he had an asthma attack and couldn't breathe because he couldn't find his inhaler? I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. OP cut all contract with these AHs now. NTA. The only excuse is that she has been raised in this toxic environment and does not realise how bad it is. He shouldn't have to be subjected to them for the rest of his life. I'm impressed Tim kept trying with these jerks. This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. Clearly youre not and your family are acting deranged. NTA but why would you let it escalate to this point? Middle of the night call to wake them up hysterical, "He still isn't back, he isn't answering his phonehave you heard from himwhen do I call the police and report him missing?". In reality, I was suddenly unable to breathe at all. Your fianc doesnt need to prove anything to any of them. Poor Tim. The straight chess and hypothetical situations could be ruled as pranks and family making sure the new guy isgood enough(very archaic I know). Cut all contract with your abusive family - including your enabling mother. My dad is technically my stepdad but he is the only dad I have ever known. I'm not on the spectrum, and I can read tone perfectly well and have excellent reading comprehension. Cut these toxic shits out of your life before they kill someone. NTA. NTA. NTA This is THE hill to die on. Her family is toxic. If you and Tim chance to have a son, dont let him anywhere near your male relatives. By the time the ambulance got to me they said my skin was super grey and if my blood oxygen level dropped any lower I I most likely would have died. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. The tire slashing would of been enough for me to cut my family out. Fast forward to my graduation. I am sure they have along with the mother. If you listen to your mom and re-invite them, you don't deserve your fiance. A girl I know died because she was alone in her hotel room and couldn't reach her inhaler. NTA. tell him that its not his fault , he probably feels that its his fault but you need to assure him that its not his fault that these members of your family are just a bunch of idiotic stupid close minded people. It's no joke and can be severely deadly. He didnt survive crashing in to a tree at 50 because his brakes were cut?! It's usually even worse with family. I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. I was livid and called him out, but argued with my mother about it and about how she allowed this to happen. They dont seem to have any!! Yeah, I would never ever trust my kids for a single second with a grandparent who verbally harassed me, slashed my tires, and tried to steal medical equipment that kept me from suffocating to death. He was probably trying really hard to put up with this behavior because he loves her so much. All of them can go fuck themselves. Then NC. Because frankly, If I was your fianc, stealing the inhaler would have been my breaking point and I would have called off the wedding completely. Also wtf will they put any potential Male children you might have through as well, under the pretence of helping then man up? HIDING HIS INHALER? She wont. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. You continued to expose your fiance to this bullshit and not call a hard stop to it. I say they elope because id bet money they try to come no matter what and ruin her wedding, Lol alright, they can man up and get their ass beat by security who has been instructed to keep out the trash. It was a blast. (ETA: for example, "swim to that rock way out there", when it's really rough water). They know when they have power and they are exploiting it as much as possible to make him miserable. AITA? My dad disowned me multiple times and said countless awful things to me but I always forgave him because he was my father and I loved him. AmItheAsshole Original. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. What about your future child if you have a boy? No amount of masculine hobbies excuses that. "NTA. I dont know what they intend to prove but they only proved they are mean AH. To follow this. Who shows you affection and makes you happy and feel loved? NTA, if I'm 'Tim ' that prank hiding my inhaler will land op 'dad, brother, cousin and uncle' in jail for attempting murder. But say they are just pranking him. Yup. Half the stuff they did could land them in jail if he wanted to press charges. NTA, they literally could have put his life at risk over a stupid prank. Rejecting feminine things like healthy social connections literally shortens their lives. NTA. I know, right? NTA. Proving it was "nothing" by supposedly powering through completely unnecessary pain?? Slashing tires would definitely cost someone hundreds of dollars to replace. Keep asking why. Your husband shouldn't have to deal with them ever again and you don't want that toxic masculinity around your future kids. So it's safe to assume they would have stopped pranking after they "accidentally " killed him? Its not a feeling I would wish on anyone! and it would be lost if theyre banned from the wedding. He's college educated. Also I hope this doesn't take the shine off your wedding OP, and remember that day is about making two people happy, nobody else. Well done on sticking up for your partner! It's also why women who get married have a lower life expectancy. That's a crazy amount of money. Is it possible she thought she was doing you a favor letting you off the hook since she knew you really didn't want go in the first place? Came here to say thismy tires are expensive afthis isnt a prank its a crime, Not to mention slashing tires is a straight up crime. Never invite them back. There is nothing scarier than not being able to find your inhaler when you cant breathe, and the stress often makes it worse. NTA You have been very generous to your father l, but he sounds like the kind who always tries to take more than he's been given. As a person with asthma, I see their prank as abhorrent. Shits expensive. Timmy didn't drive the wedge between you and your family. And PLEASE hire security for your wedding. Agreed. Hiding his medication as a prank is the lowest of the low. All they're doing is alienating you and your man from the rest of the family. To be clear, her family is filled with horrible bullies. Bye . Congratulations on graduating, OP. Pranks dont hurt people or destroy things. Your family is horrible. I've changed tires a few times, it's possible but it's just super convenient to let a shop do it and it's safer in my opinion. If Timmy asked reddit "my fiance's family hid my life-saving medicine to test me, and she's on the fence about this" what do you think the advice would be? Marrying him is your decision, not theirs. Hiding his inhaler and trying to kill/risk his life. My brother used to prank us by leaving frogs in our bed or tying the sprayer so it stayed spraying and then wiping mud or something on us so we'd have to go wash our arm and get sprayed turning the water on. How do they not realize that?! NTA. He kicked out and made you homeless when you had cancer. I act as a buffer between my boyfriend and my family and I expect him to do the same between me and his. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. NTA. I can verify that it is nearly impossible for anyone - even real men whatever tf that means - to remove, replace, properly align & balance an entire set of tires without at least a small shop lift. I cant stand it when the abuser(s) &/or their enabler(s) try to blame the victim(s) for familial rifts simply because the victim refuses to continue to be abused. If someone pushes waaay too far after being told to stop many times, they need to face the consequences of their actions. My dad told me everything about their divorce and how awful my mom was. Perhaps we just have very different perspectives on this. I completely agree. I wouldnt be speaking to them again. Or tell Tims's sons their father is "soft" and a wimp? Tell them you could give two shits what they think as they dont matter. Depending on other circumstances, I may have even pressed charges. Thats the thing. shes 16 and knows what shes doing, but i could be overreacting. They have proven they are willing to risk his life. They could have killed him. Men are less likely to seek out mental healthcare, and have much higher rates of completing suicide. If anyone slashed my (or fianc) tires or stole my life-saving medication as a prank, not only would they be uninvited from my wedding, theyd be out of my life completely and facing criminal charges. Risking death because your family is shit just isnt worth it in the long run. Theyre just acting sorry because youre making a stink about it. This is toxic masculinity and for what exactly? He sabotaged your relationship with your mother and hurt you in the process. Their little prank couldve cost your fianc his life. Calling him the soft college kid makes it seem like its more about their feelings of inferiority instead of making your fianc prove himself. It doesn't look dangerous to them when you're wheezing from an attack. NTA. I think the ONLY thing you could do was uninvite them. Imagine what more they will do now just for revenge. They're fucking nasty and they're doing it on purpose. Your former lack of imposing boundaries is concerning and has led to this life threatening situation. I would say soft YTA for letting it go so long. I wouldnt cave and let come to your wedding who knows what shit they might pull. Toxic man stuff. That is bullying plan and simple and it could have harmed him. NTA - I cant believe these guys play chess. I had a ton of brothers and a dad who were all involved in fishing, hunting, survival, etc. I, 22f, and my dad have had a tumultuous relationship for the last 5 years. Unfortunately when you live with something for so long, it becomes your normal. You would be TA if you invited your fianc's bullies (aka your family) to your wedding. Being in that environment sounds toxic as hell. Absolutely ridiculous. And it's not about me. This enraged him and our relationship never recovered. He sounds like an absolute caveman needing to prove physical prowess to compensate for knowing your partner is clearly intellectually superior. Lastly, as you're getting married, I don't know if you're planning to have children, but there is a genetic component to asthma, so you also have to consider the ramifications of ignoring this behavior now and your children spending time with the men in your family in the future. And theyre not sorry. He could have called the police on them for that. NTA - they sound like a right bunch of bullies. He's not too weak to do it, he's too polite and it isn't his place. Nope, not at all. I remember when I was a child- the feeling of pure panic when I couldnt breathe, trying to gasp for air but everytime I took even a shallow breath in it triggered a coughing fit. Time to tell dad that people find him to be a thug and a criminal and don't respect him because he treats people badly. Yes! That's all I think I can say about it without this getting removed, nor does it have to do with the post farther than him being gone. NTA they took the pranks way too far. What an ungrateful bitch. Blood relations dont necessarily need to be your family. Taking someone's enhaler can kill them. OP, if you don't protect your future husband from that disgusting behaviour, you don't deserve him. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. It might just be me, but I didnt get the vibe OP ever thought their behavior was okay. For some reason the other guys never prank me. They could have killed him. NTA. On of my very adult colleagues is called "Timmy" by everyone, and if you call him "Tim" he'll (nicely) correct you. And how awful my mom was its criminal mischief i cant believe guys! Kill him on as the sole beneficiary them who was going to take if. Slashed tires should have been the end of it aita for uninviting my stepdad let him anywhere near me or so. I feel like they blame me for this as well 'm not on the spectrum, and this action performed... So it 's safe to assume they would be if you keep allowing this behavior because could. 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