It's definitely immature behavior. The problem is, my boyfriend has no boundaries with his ex wife. We wouldn't blame you for still sleeping in an ex's sweatshirt from time to time, or even from keeping a little box of memories tucked away. It's not a crime for your ex to date this 19-year-old, but it sure is worthy of thorough scrutiny. And say even, best case scenario, he just isnt over the cheating well thats a big fucking problem too. A boyfriend will put his arm around you occasionally. The most important person, from your perspective, should be yourself and how this is making you feel. Serving up the hottest food trends and the inside scoop on restaurants worldwide. It sounds like he gets nothing out of this. Pregnancy and parenting news, given to you in a way nobody else has. Some people like feeling need, and overlook any abuse. Just to beat a dead horse: that really jumped out at me, because my boyfriend was left THREE DAYS BEFORE HIS WEDDING by a cheating fiance. LW2 a repeat, no? Oodles of women don't get the love and respect they deserve from their partners simply because they are too giving. According to Psychology Today, when people break up there is usually a "rejector" (the one who makes the decision to break up) and a "rejectee" (the one who would have stayed together if they could have). I hope he'll like it . Communicate your fears to your boyfriend. That's not what real love or true commitment is. Generally speaking, when I have a client that comes to me saying "My ex boyfriend is avoiding me and I have no idea what to do," it's often because some mistakes were made. We might even hear from family and friends that we should be getting engaged and that they don't understand why that isn't happening. This one hurts, which is probably why someone would say it. Comparing your ex to a new girlfriend (especially to her face) is a bad idea. 54. LW2- Was this in the forums? You ask, "Can I win him back?" The answer is unequivocally. can you get yourself off? We watch rom-comsand see characters struggling to find the right words and the right time. In every relationship, there comes a certain point where you either break up or get engaged. Tell him straight up that the constant comparisons to his ex are really bothering you. My fianc and I live 35 minutes apart (until May, hooray!) He is her punching bag and maid service. He's always going to rely on his mom and want her advice. We should love and support our partner and they should do the same for us. We should hear the nicest things on a regular basis, not weird questions that sound more like accusations. It doesn't sound like much fun. GatorGirl LW1-He is still in love with his last girlfriend. Sure, but here its not the case. This kind of talk could lead to him wanting to know where we're going and who we're with at all times, and that's definitely not a good situation for us to be in. "I am now used to being heartbroken. It's a matter of basic respect for the new person in your life. Again, it might not be the sweet nothings that we're waiting to hear, and we might be upset to realize that they don't feel the same way. LW2 sounds like an awful lot of LWs. If he puts her first, then youll know where he stands. The 'crazy ex girlfriend' stereotype is insensitive and unimaginative. "They shouldnt be talking about them on the first 3+ dates anyway as you have better things to talk about," she explains on her advice blogBaggage Reclaim. In fact, one of the reasons I fell in love with him was for how positive and non-resentful he is. 20K 1.4K Like right now I'm feeling really sad and down and I'm about to breakdown. I think I often get into trouble for saying certain feelings are a choice, because of course a lot of times we dont CHOOSE how we feel, it just spontaneously happens. Don't hide the fact that you're bothered or insecure. He should understand that we're going to wait on him hand and foot and that it's not the 1950's anymore. Maybe he's always done this, so we got used to it, but it's still not something that we should accept. How Did You Decide Whether to Have Another Baby? . Tell him boy bye! Regardless the reason, hes not interested in you that way. Being a bad person? How much do we actually want to know about our boyfriends' exes? Tell him it's time to make your satisfaction a priority. I also think its possible that hes not still in love with his ex but fights dirty. We're adults and even if we have some cramps or headaches, we know how to deal and we know how to talk to our boyfriend properly. March 14, 2014, 10:51 am. Don't use reasoning like "I know, but I love him" to maintain a relationship. As Dr. Wendy puts it: "His prized personal time should be spent building a secure relationship with you.". Yes, to give him the benefit of the doubt, that person might be kind of annoying but still. "Beware if she is the first person he calls when something good happens," says Susan, "like a promotion at work, or when he just needs to talk." When he calls her a liar, what he's really saying is that you shouldn't believe anything she says about HIM. Secondly, it tells me that hes stuck in the past. Whatever is going on, we're not obligated to off our unwavering, 100 percent support when we're not feeling it, and that's something that we should definitely remember. Keep that problem under wraps, dude! He is just a feeding source for this horrible person. When we try to make future plans, whether we want to plan a vacation or talk about moving in together, we don't want to hear from our boyfriend, "That's too far away.". Don't even think you are not good enough. This term comes from the 1944 thriller Gaslight, about a man who slowly manipulates his wife into thinking she is crazy, doubting her own perceptions and memories, so no one will believe her claims that her husband is trying to kill her. "My boyfriend said someone else's name in his sleep." It's also possible that your boyfriend still cares about his ex, and that's why her name came up in his dream. But I also believe that there is too much importance put on the love of my life. Mental health. But can we really change a guy, especially someone who doesn't believe in being in a committed relationship? Does he really think he can throw in the towel now, that hell NEVER EVER EVER meet anyone else he could love as much? Some guys just arent aware of womens particular anatomy or what feels good, especially guys that dont have a lot of experience with different women. I totally have bartenders that are 900 miles away that I see more often than LW2 sees mystery man. File this one under 'sorry, not sorry.' But, there are a lot of things that I've let slide at the beginning because I wanted some peace in my life. It doesn't matter that he said you're "prettier on the inside." It's . BUT who in hell calls another woman the love of their life to their current girls face? Kristin Cavallari and Stephen Colletti are back to spilling new details from high school as they recap Laguna Beach. But it's amazing how often we jump through psychological hoops of self-justification to. When men tell their women that their suspicions or fears are all in their heads, it's called Gaslighting. I hate ex-girlfriends. We can't change people, and we definitely can't change someone who still has the single guy mindset. It just might not be what we want to hear. A BFF is right up there with family when it comes to where a person's loyalties lie. It shows us that he's never going to truly see us as his partner or his equal. Back when we were single, how many first dates did we go on that were so bad that we wished that we could find someone already so we could binge-watch a show together? Oh, and candles should probably be involved, too. Laura Hope If he completely discredits her and convinces you to ignore everything she could ever say about their time together, he has total control over what you think about him as a boyfriend. He's Affectionate in Public. Instead of trying to force something that just isn't happening and never will, we should focus our energy on living our best life, being happy, and finding someone who does believe in commitment. Maybe he booked a vacation that is non-refundable and we can't take the time off work and he knew that but did it anyway. Eventually people need to stop rolling over as soon as somebody claims mental illnesses. Those moments should be for you, not for someone he dated agesago. Now, not every guy is all about PDA, so please don't use this as the single measure of whether he's your boyfriend. And you may end up going your own ways, at least until he can live a healthier lifestyle. The fuckboy boyfriend comes with a lifelong warranty. Calling an ex-girlfriend crazy is so clich. "If he's still talking about the bad things she did in the past, he's trying to remind himself that hes not still in love with her - because he is still in love with her.". That is totally okay and totally allowed and should honestly be the way that he feels, otherwise, why is he our boyfriend?! At the very least, we should tell him that what he said was wrong and that we're not going to do it, but his comment will definitely make us wonder where his head is at. Does he owe her more respect than other people in his life? If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. It totally depends on how old we are and where we are in life. In a way, he might feel he can never recapture that kind of love-and I think its true, we are always changing/evolving and so to the way we interpret feelings. How he deals (or doesn't) with this is likely how he will handle issues that arise in your relationship and lives in the future - ask yourself, are you OK with that? Anyone that can be that bitter about cheating a year later isnt someone Id want to date. More likely than not, he's hoping to get some info on his ex or even to run into her there and win her back. Have confidence . Playing with We all die eventually; I just carried the bullet for a while., lets_be_honest This is when guys say that they're actually pretty simple: they say what they mean (well, sometimes okay, so they are still pretty confusing). He can't help her the way she truly needs. Addie Pray If her mental health is THAT bad, she needs to be around family or maybe inpatient. i mean really? 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