Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Bill Murray. 159. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Bill Murray, 251. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 180. 230. 15. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 172. health is important. Because it was soda pressing. 43. Oh sheet!. A backbone. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 254. 203. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 143. 8. Paul Ehrlich They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. But it'll move up again.". Im thinking like a proton, always positive. 1. It may feel useless but just get into it. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go. 176. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. How do you count cows? 249. 9. What do you call a bear with no teeth? The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. (John 14:27) 27. - Unknown. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Dave Barry. 229. 223. Short Funny Affirmations. 100. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. A mind is like a parachute. 300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 238. 199. 36. I am calm, patient and at peace. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. 150. Erma Bombeck. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 236. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . 79. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 10. "Have a great Wednesday. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. 108. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. When nothing is going right, go left. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". 11. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. In between, I am alive. Bill Murray 29. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Ken Dodd, 255. 51. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 207. 156. 190. ". 4. Alright, get in the basket. 223. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. 216. 273. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! 258. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 14. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 140. 34. Because seven ate nine. Mind blown! Nothing, they just waved. A mind is like a parachute. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 151. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. 1. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 76. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? 3. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 189. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . I thought you said extra fries. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. You can only be young once. Ive got three bones. What do you call a bear with no teeth? I am enough. Why was six scared of seven? Be Funny Positive Affirmations Learn sign language, its very handy. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Im amusing and make the people around me happy. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. I nourish my body every day. The best things in life are free. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Batwoman: single. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 52. The thing is, I am still getting ready. It takes so little to change your life! 85. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Bill Murray Not me, but somebody does. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. I didnt want to interrupt her. Short people with an umbrella. I dont want to fix my spending habits. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. But you can always be immature. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. I see food, and I eat it. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. You wanna know who Im in love with? On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. They log in. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. 248. Today, I look at my goals. 226. Sincerely, yourself. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Can February march? 19. 78. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. 105. Today is a great day. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. Theres no stopping me now. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 62. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Art doesnt transform. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. He who laughs last didnt get it. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. 75. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. 77. 1. A wishbone. 4. Funny positive affirmations do work. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. grateful. 45. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. 86. With a cowculator. I am adventurous. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. In the morning, I cant get up. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. 72. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Gary Delaney You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 232. As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. What is Mozart doing right now? You might use humor as a coping mechanism. 279. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Bill Murray 1. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. My body deserves healthy food and exercise, not junk food or laziness. 235. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Its a door, thats how they work. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. Bill Murray, 258. It gets toad away. It has nothing new to tell you. 178. When life closes a door, just open it again. My chins are a stairway to heaven. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 251. Life would be tragic if it werent funny too. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 272. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . It gets toad away. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes.

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